A naive question, even a little ridiculous, if you do not think about it in all seriousness. And if you think about it, it’s an extremely difficult question! We are now gathering even a whole conference, interview at least a hundred scientists: what is love? – with certainty no one “formulates”. Everyone feels love in his own way, for everyone in it – his own light, his own secret.
Six centuries ago, the same age as Oleg, a young Italian Francesco Petrarch with pain and trepidation, asked himself: “If this love is not this heat, what affliction shakes me? Since he is love, then what is love? Good? But these torments, god! So an evil fire? .. And the sweetness of these torments! ”
How much is said, how much has been written since then about the torment and bliss of love! And although there are really few scientific books on this subject, art has explored love with all its vigilance and attention to its slightest signs and shades. Love is terrible, incinerating, and love is meek, all-forgiving; love, striking suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, and love, ripening gradually; the love that inspired the feat and the love that pushed the betrayal …
But in this diversity one unchanging, permanent property of love looms clearly – it is strictly selective. Our reader asks: “Maybe there is no love, but there is attraction to a naked woman?” Not only Oleg’s sexual instinct seems to be a self-sufficient value, the only sober reality that opposes the ephemerality of love. A. After all, some philosophers considered him to be a hoax, a trick of nature, thus ensuring procreation!
Yes, and love knows the passionate power of attraction. But please do not confuse sexual instinct with love! Attraction is faceless, he doesn’t care or almost doesn’t care, this “naked woman” or another. But love does not need anyone else – she just does not see, does not know anyone else, for her there is only one – the only person. The formula of sexual instinct: “I want to feel good.”
Formula of love: “I want you to feel good.” And only from this desire, when it is mutual, the highest harmony is born: “We are well.”
Modern sexologists say that no sophistication, no sex technique can give intimacy the degree of pleasure, the feeling of take-off, which gives inspired love. This is written by the Polish sexologist Imelinsky in his book “Sexual Hygiene” and once upon a time by the Soviet sex therapist Khodakov in the then popular book “Young Spouses” among young people.
Sex drive is like hunger. It is worth getting enough, and his call is silent. You can’t get enough of love, it is inexhaustible. “You are my beloved, you are my beloved” – these are the words that were invented for a loved one! Because you never get bored of looking at him, you never lose the desire to be with him …
– But why – you ask – is the choice so categorical? Is it impossible to find another, just as good, or perhaps even better?
Everything seems to be explained by a well-known formula; “Love is blind”. No wonder the god of love Cupid is portrayed with a blindfold. And this is not only in ancient mythology. The wise Russian proverb contained the same meaning: “Not nice, but good nice.”
In scientific language, it sounds like this: love is characterized by the idealization of its object. Examples of idealization as many. Both in literature and in life.
The girl fell in love with a young man, With enthusiasm tells friends; “Beautiful, smart, kind, in general, unusual! There is no other like that! ”And the friends, seeing him, are surprised:“ What did you find in him? ”
But maybe this is not only idealization? Researchers of the phenomenon of love notice one more of its properties: special vigilance, the Lover sees the virtues of a person hidden from an indifferent gaze, notices what others have not noticed or did not understand.
Remember: Pushkin and Natalia Goncharova. Many believed that it had no virtues other than beauty. Almost a century and a half later, literary scholars and historians, following her life day after day, studying her letters, her attitude to her sisters and children, understood: she was kind, modest, and extremely delicate. Pushkin, with the clairvoyance of a lover, understood this immediately and said: “I love your soul …”
But what is nevertheless “being done with the heart, body, and brain”? That’s really a mystery! Whom doctors and psychologists — athletes, pilots, assembly line workers, people of mental labor, kindergarten pupils, newborns, old people — have not examined, but they haven’t become interested in lovers. But the lovers themselves throughout all ages have been tormented by a thirst for introspection. To throw out your emotions into the world, to tell about your beloved in a way that no one else could tell – this is what an excess of feelings entails. A lover is able to saturate a letter, a note, a poetic line with information such as would not contain another scientific experiment. And this gave the Bulgarian sex therapist Kirill Vasilev a reason to conclude: love aggravates the senses – hearing, touch, smell.